Are you an Effective Role Model for Your Children?
By Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman
what if your life IS the message? What if how you choose to live
your life is the central learning that your children have come to
earth to discover? What if the lessons you design, the tips you
impart, the learning experiences you arrange, the lectures you deliver,
the advice you share, the words of wisdom you speak to your children
do not have as much impact on them as the way you live?
you modeling the message you want your sons and daughters to learn?
Take this quiz below and find out. Read each item and answer yes
of no. See the scale at the end to determine your male role-modeling
_____ I share my feelings with "I" messages.
_____ My children see me eat healthy and nutritious foods.
_____ I exercise regularly in view of my children.
_____ I don't put tobacco, drugs, or alcohol in my system.
_____ When I'm stuck and not sure what to do next, my children hear
me ask for help.
_____ When faced with a crisis, my behavior shows that I am more
interested in a search for solutions than in handing out blame and
_____ When I'm feeling hurt or angry I communicate that with an
"I" statement and refrain from sulking, pouting, and yelling.
_____ I regularly show affection to my partner in my child's presence.
_____ I demonstrate my caring by regularly engaging in activities
with my children that they enjoy.
_____ I model for my children how to grieve a loss by showing sadness
and tears appropriately.
_____ I am comfortable in assuming the role of learner on occasion
and allowing my child to take the lead.
_____ I attempt to create a shared control style of family management
by regularly garnering input from all family members.
_____ I model closeness and affection by giving my child regular
hugs, smiles, and eye contact.
_____ I show by my behavior that being with the family is more important
than doing for the family.
_____ I have a support group or close friends who my children see
_____ My spiritual faith is visible and I actively engage in it
in front of my children.
_____ I regularly demonstrate my respect for the environment by
refusing to litter, spoil, or waste natural resources.
_____ My children know what I value and believe and consistently
see me living according to those beliefs and values.
_____ My children see me treat living things, including plants and
animals, with respect and reverence.
_____ I admit to mistakes and my children see me make amends quickly.
the number of times you answered "yes" and compare it
to the scale below.
yes - FANTASTIC - You are regularly demonstrating and modeling what
your children need to see from a father. Give yourself a pat on
yes - VERY GOOD - Your children will benefit from you modeling a
majority of these values. Congratulations.
yes - ADEQUATE - You are showing your children many positive traits,
yet you have some work to do. Why not pick out one of the items
above and begin demonstrating it today?
and below - NEEDS IMPROVEMENT - Although you demonstrate some admirable
male role-modeling behaviors, you have a lot of work to do. Begin
today by adding to your repertoire of healthy modeling behaviors.
Your children and their father are worth it.
CREDIT BONUS QUESTION: If you approached each item seriously and
answered them honestly give yourself 2 bonus points. Now refigure
Haller and Chick Moorman are the authors of The 10 Commitments:
Parenting with Purpose. They also publish a FREE email newsletter
for parents and another for educators. Subscribe to them when you
Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman are two of the world's foremost
authorities on raising responsible, caring confident children. For
more information about how they can help you or your group meet
your parenting needs, visit their websites today.