Secrets That Create Happy Family Memories
©Dr. Michele Borba
Did you know that research has found that doing simple rituals enhances
our feelings of togetherness and family belonging by almost 20 percent?
What's more, those home traditions and customs also increase our kids'
social skills and development. Here are nine simple, no-cost secrets
moms are using to create happy memories. What are you doing to preserve
memories of your times together?
Nighttime rituals: Read a nighttime story; remind each other of
the best part of the day; give hugs and kiss goodnight; with older
kids reconvene in the kitchen for a nighttime snack around 9:30.
Then everyone gets his goodnight send-off: a kiss, a backrub, and
affirm their love for one another and it's off to bed (or in some
cases, back to homework).
Special greetings and ways to say "I love you": Rub noses
for an "Eskimo kiss"; create your own unique family funny
Celebration of successes: Hang a flag on the front door when something
special has happened to a family member; use a "fancy"
plate at the table when a family member has done something to deserve
Birthday memories: Each family member chooses his or her favorite
birthday dinner menu, cake, outing, and Some families even hang
the family member's shirt on a flagpole or broomstick stuck in the
front lawn to let the world (or at least the neighborhood) know
it's that person's special day.
Musical memories: Choose special songs to be piped through the household
for family events; for a birthday, have your whole family wake-up
to the Beatles singing, "Today is your birthday
have a good time," Bruce Springsteen's can remind your family
it's the Fourth of July by singing "Born in the USA".
Sports and outdoors: Go fishing on Father's Day; be diehard Bluejay
fans together; go berry-picking every spring; have relay races and
egg tosses at family picnics.
Volunteering and service projects: Bake an extra turkey for Mrs.
Jones at Thanksgiving; serve Christmas Eve dinner at the homeless
shelter or help out at another, less "popular" time of
year. Make a commitment to help a favorite charity as a family once
a week or month.
Enjoy each other's company. Spread a rug or towel on your living
room floor and gather the troops, serve simple sandwiches, finger
food, and boxed drinks, put up some upbeat music and have an indoor
picnic. Who says you have to go anywhere to have a good time together?
Family Game Night: Dust off the Chutes and Ladders, Yahtzee, Monopoly,
Candyland, or that old deck of cards. Older kids might like Trouble,
Uno, Kerplunk, Risk, or poker. Some families hold Family Game Night
once a week for thirty minutes to an hour. Have an assortment and
let a different family member choose what you play each time.
I surveyed hundreds of moms about what really matters in good mothering,
creating family rituals and traditions always came up in the top
of their lists. Why? Because they didn't have to take much time
or money, and they create joy and laughter in the family and wonderful
memories that last a lifetime. Here are the steps to begin creating
new rituals in your home.
Steps to Creating Family Rituals and Increasing the Laughter In
One: Begin by Making a List of New Traditions You'd Like to Start
in Your Home. Let your brain go wild and allow your only rule to
be "anything goes" at this stage. You might want to ask
other moms, and ask your kids for ideas. Also think back on your
own family traditions when you were growing up and include any you're
Two. Now Choose One Idea You Want to Begin With. One mom said her
got into the habit of always putting her makeup on with her four-year-old
daughter next to her. Another mom makes a tradition of taking her
son out for hot cocoa after school every Wednesday. It really doesn't
matter what the ritual is, as long as it's one your family enjoys
Three: Write Down the Tradition-Ink It. Put the ritual in your Palm
Pilot or include it on your weekly calendar. Or tell your family.
Saying and writing it add commitment (you'll also have someone to
help remind you to do it). Research says the sooner you begin, (suggestion:
within twenty-four hours), the greater the likelihood you'll stick
Four: Plan It, Do It! Celebrate success. And keep at it. You're
on the road to creating family memories. Traditions are sacred and
must be consistently honored every night, week, month, or once a
year. This is the stuff that is meant to bond families and make
ritual you choose to do, make it become a family habit. Traditions
are sacred and must be consistently honored every night, week, month,
or once a year. This is the stuff that is meant to bond families
and make you closer.
Borba, Ed.D. is a mom of three, former teacher, and renowned educational
consultant who has presented workshops to one million parents and
teachers worldwide. She is also the award-winning author of 12 Simple
Secrets Real Moms Know: Getting Back to Basics and Raising Happy
Kids, Parents Do Make a Difference, Don't Give Me That Attitude!,
Building Moral Intelligence, No More Misbehavin', and Nobody Likes
Me, Everybody Hates Me! (all Jossey-Bass). Dr. Borba is an advisory
board member for Parents, and a frequent guest on Today, American
Morning, CNN Headline News, MSNBC,The Early Show, The View, and
Fox & Friends. For more simple parenting secrets tips like these
or her daily blog, Borba's Reality Check on her webiste.
2006 by Michele Borba.